The holidays here are aweful. People are insane. Shoppers are terrible, and traffic is worse.

I am glad the holidays are essentially over and that things have quieted down so I can spend more time online again. Tonight I will be celebrating the new year with friends.

We had a lot of snow fall last night and we woke up this morning to being snowed in. it's very awesome. I'm taking the little ones sledding shortly.

I hope the season has been good to everyone and I wish everyone a happy new year.

I realized that yesterday would be the day that the United States has been in Iraq for longer than their entire involvement in WWII.

Peace and Love.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy? - Mahatma Gandhi

In my last post to livejournal publicly I spoke of the worry of getting too close to people online.

Learning that there are people who have known other people for more than a couple of months, or even more than 2 years exclusively online is a eye-opening experience.

I want to say shocking. Yet, I think on it and realize that given how long the internet has been around this must be common place.

I ask myself why I am so alienated then and have very little in the way of 'long-term' internet friends. Is it my own fault for using the internet as a tool for information seeking or sending emails to friends and family? Could I have been building myself a large and permanent network of friends?

I think the answer to that is yes. I am afraid of the vunrability that would come from such actions. What if I am not worth knowing. What if I fail to have an engaging personality. What if I am rejected.

Is rejection on the internet; Where one is based on personality worse than rejection in real life where one has so many factors to be rejected by. Is not the soul our most important piece or part. And to that end, were I rejected because of who I am, would I be less of a person?

These idea's frighten me and make me consider withdrawing even further so I can not be rejected on who I am.

I need to update more.

Apologizes to everyone for having dissapeared; My world kicked my ass I think that is how the saying goes.

Edit:

I am not comforted by the idea that I'm so well known. I forget that the internet had little room for strangers. I suppose it is because we are a global community and it is so natural to reveal things about yourself or ask questions about them.

I am not comfortable with the idea. It frightens me to think that a stranger could appear at the door claiming friendship because of the internet. The internet is so easily a place of the mind, where one can converse about their thoughts, share idea's or creativity. I am not ready to make it more than that.

It was just four words for my heart to race and I feel sick to my stomach. Words that would be part of an everyday conversation when meeting someone new, so easy to give away and never have again. I have no doubt that the words were spoken in interest and kindness. Still, I feel the coldness of the air around me as I realise how much of myself I let slip and how careful others on the internet watch me.

I feel like a child who overreacts to a bit of rainfall, but I can not shake this feeling of fear. Perhaps I am being silly for being so worried.

Spent last night going from one 7-Eleven to another with my friend looking for a Motorola V360, the Much Music Phone that is offered by Rogers.

Finally found one around 2:30am and got home at 3am. We sat in the kitchen and put it together trying to figure out the plans and how it works. I did not go to bed until very late.

I was woken up this morning and handed the phone to speak to someone at Rogers. Spent an hour trying to understand everything and get the phone activated. I think I did okay with that.

I wanted to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. I had to fufill the obligations I am saddled with.

Today has been a quiet day, for which I am grateful. I hope to sleep early tonight. I have to wake up at 630am tomorrow and I do not look foward to it at all.